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Do you have a certain idea in your head of how your life is supposed to look or be?  I do.  I will not pretend to actually have this ideal life simply because of conceived notions of what my life should be because of what I do for a living.  Confession time…I drive a regular gas gussling family vehicle, my home would not appear on the cover of house & home (unless they created a new “lived-in” like the rest of us column), I feel lucky if I take time for a few sun salutations a day, everything in my refrigerator is not organic and/or local, I enjoy television shows, coffee and instant mashed potatoes.  I get angry, frustrated, nervous, sad and tired…I am human, just like you.

I aspire to do the best I can and consciously work to find balance between the ideal and the real.  Ideally, I would be able to afford the electric car, have the efficient green home and never eat boxed food again.  In my ideal life I have 1-2 hours a day set aside for prayer and practice, my days go exactly as they are set out in my planner without distraction, I prepare all the family meals from scratch using local organic in-season food, my children always listen and are never ever sick and there are quiet evenings of books, music, wine and romance all the time.  I have oodles of money to be endlessly philanthropic while enjoying frequent vacations with my family.  Lastly, I move around in this body completely free, always happy and never bothered by suffering resulting from chronic pain or anxiety.  Sound familiar?

I believe that true balance between the ideal and the real is a matter of choice.  When I choose to be attached to the desire for the perfect lifestyle created in my mind while also choosing to harshly criticize the imperfections of my reality I experience a great imbalance and overwhelming sadness.  On the flip-side, when I am able to let go of striving for the perfections of my ideal and accept the imperfections of my real, I feel sweet moments of stillness and peace.  I know from experience that when I accept what is and react from that remembered place of still center I am happy.  Here are a just few example that prove this theory from my own life:

I know that it feels better to:

1. laugh with the 2 year old who refuses to put pants on and just wants to dance naked in the kitchen than it is to freak out and force her to get dressed
2. appreciate the coffee ready to go in the morning and quietly wipe the coffee grounds off the cupboard left after the preparation from the night before
3. start each day with songs and fresh hearts having let go of the previous days frustrations that come with raising a tenacious 5 year old
4. remember the amazing moments that gave me the stretch marks and wrinkled tummy when I catch a glimpse in the mirror (striking a pose in these moments help too!)
5. close the bathroom cabinet door for the hundredth time and smile because my husband is alive to leave it open

On Wednesday’s I teach 3 classes and I was pooped this morning at 4:45 am but I got up, put on my clothes ( having remembered to lay them out last night too!).  Moved through my physical practice with a fair amount of discomfort but moved to heal and felt better by the end.  My eyes kept closing while trying to read so that took a little longer than yesterday.  My prayers were short and meditation shorter.  That was my reality today.  When I laid in the tub I let go of the frustration that I was inevitably feeling and chose to take a moment to reflect on the practice and prompty fell asleep.  When my head jerked up the message was clear and so here it is:

I love the perfection of my imperfect life.  I don’t always like it but I am working on it….

Posted by kim | comments are closed
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